50+ Dirty Comebacks And Insults To Win Every Argument

There’s nothing quite like a good comeback.

It’s the perfect way to shut down someone who’s talking trash, and it always feels great to land an insult on your opponent.

But sometimes, the best comebacks are the dirtiest ones. The ones that get under your opponent’s skin and really make them squirm.

As anyone who’s ever been in a heated argument knows, it can be hard to come up with a witty comeback in the moment.

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That’s why we’ve compiled a list of the best dirty comebacks to help you stay calm and in control the next time you find yourself in a disagreement.

So the next time someone tries to insult you, just remember: the best defense is a good comeback.

Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic.

They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin.

And if you’re not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, it’s best not to use it.

After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat.

Let’s dive in.

Table of Contents

Dirty Comebacks

Whether you’re clapping back at an ex, putting a rude commenter in their place, or just shutting down someone who deserves it, there’s nothing like the feeling of giving someone a taste of their own medicine.

If you’re looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then you’ve come to the right place.

Here are some of the best dirty comebacks:

I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to spell.
I’m not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, I’d probably drink it.
You’re like a broken pencil: pointless.
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you on your level.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of how wrong you are.
Ouch. That hurt almost as much as looking at your face.
See dude, this is why no one likes you.
I see you’re still making stupid decisions – like talking to me.
I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were an expert on the subject.
You’ve got the rest of your life to be a jerk. Why not take the day off?
Wow, I had no idea you were such an expert.
Your a** must be pretty jealous of all the sh*t that comes out of your mouth.
I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?
Oh! I am sorry. Were you trying to insult me?
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were still breathing.
It’s a joke, not a d*ck, don’t take it so seriously.
Ouch, that really hurt my feelings.
Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk.
The smartest thing to come out of your mouth was my c*ck.
You look like you survived an abortion.
I would have been your father but the dog beat me over the fence.
I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you.
Yeah, I bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of you as a kid.
Anyone who has ever loved you was wrong.
You couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom.
This is why everyone talks behind your back.
I’ve been called worse things by better people.
I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

With these dirty comebacks, you’re guaranteed to come out on top the next time you find yourself in an argument.

So don’t be afraid to get a little bit creative and have some fun with it. After all, winning is all that matters!

You might find it interesting: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You

Dirty Comebacks for Guys

You’re out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. You politely decline, but he doesn’t take the hint.

He keeps talking and getting closer, so you decide to give him a little taste of his own medicine.

When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better.

With a smirk on your face, you deliver one of these epic dirty comebacks:

I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing.
I’ve heard you like to talk big. Too bad your penis is small.
Are you still single because no one will have you?
I’ve heard you think you’re quite the catch. Too bad nobody else does.
Sorry, I don’t date guys with more issues than Vogue.
Your pickup lines are so bad, even your mom rejected them.
I’ve heard you’re quite the ladies’ man. Too bad most of them are hookers.
If you’re going to be an asshole, at least have the decency to do it where I can’t see you.

And with that, you walk away; leaving him humiliated and alone.

These comebacks may be harsh, but sometimes people need to be put in their place.

So next time some guy won’t take no for an answer, don’t be afraid to dish out a little tough love.

You might like: 17+ Savage Comebacks for Pickup Lines

Dirty Minded Comebacks

If you’re the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then you’ll love these dirty-minded comebacks.

Whether you’re arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own.

So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, don’t sweat it. Just refer to this post, and you’ll be sure to come out victorious.

You should’ve been a bl*wjob!
You were born from your mother’s *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy.
What’s the difference between your d*ck and your joke? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
I would kick you in the vagina, but I don’t want to lose my shoe.
What’s the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? You can’t take a joke.
Your father left the best parts of you on the bed sheet.
Tell your mother to stop changing her lipstick, my d*ck looks like a rainbow.
I can see why your parents abused you.
I should have pulled out and shot you on the wall.
I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
You aren’t worth the amount of money it would have cost to abort you.