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Are you someone who constantly doubts themselves and lacking self-esteem? Looking for ways on how to believe in yourself?
“If you want to change your life, focus not on fighting the old but building the new” -Socrates
Self-confidence and the ability to believe in yourself -values, skills set, and abilities- is crucial to your success in life, whatever success means to you. It will give you that extra push when you’re thinking of giving up, it’s the drive that keeps you going even when no one’s believing in you.
Unfortunately, this trait is lacking nowadays, at least from my point of view.
I remember I was constantly doubting myself in everything that I did: “You aren’t good enough, you aren’t attractive, no one wants you” and the list would go on. I even had doubts about starting this blog.
So here are the 6 most important steps you have to do in order to believe in yourself again and achieve anything you want in life:
P.S Sharing Is Caring
Why I Don’t Believe In Myself?
The reason why you don’t believe in yourself is because of your thoughts. A new study has suggested that an average person has 6,200 thoughts per day.
A prior study to this, conducted by the National Science Foundation, suggested that the average person had about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.
What this means is that ALMOST all of the thoughts crossing through your mind are the same thoughts you had yesterday, the day before yesterday, and so on.
Most of the time, these same thoughts go months, years, and even decades back in time. If we repeat those negative thoughts, we negatively impacting our subconscious mind.
Maybe you got rejected hard after confessing to a girl/boy you really liked in the past, and that led you to believe that you aren’t attractive or desirable at all and that you aren’t good enough.
Or, maybe your parents were really hard on you when you were young, constantly criticizing you and comparing you to other kids, so you developed the belief that you aren’t good enough.
Maybe you’ve tried quitting a bad habit of yours, but you failed multiple times, leaving you to believe that you aren’t strong enough.
Whatever your experience was, these things have happened in the past. But the thoughts that came with those events have stuck with you, and they are constantly played within your mind every day.
This is why sometimes (or most of the time) you can’t sleep immediately after going to bed, because your brain does not stop thinking about these negative experiences and past events.
How To Believe In Yourself?
1. Turn the negatives into positives.
Negative things happen. Bad things WILL happen at one point in life or another, and we can’t control them. But we can control how we show up and how we respond to them.
Everything has a positive purpose, including the things that aren’t positive in the short term.
Failure, not being perfect, mistakes, not having people agreeing with you, not being completely accepted: these are not negative things. They’re positive.
All of these things can seem negative in the moment, but if you play your cards correctly, you can see mid to long-term improvement, which is a positive.
How? Well, they are meant to show you were you need to grow next.
When a bad thing happens, ask yourself these following questions.
- What can I learn from this?
- How could I’ve done things better so I don’t mess up the next time?
- How can I improve from this?
Every negative thing that has happened to you, every failure, embarrassment, setback, rejection… All of these are learning opportunities to grow yourself and become better.
You don’t need to put your hand on a hot stove for the second time, to know that the stove it’s hot, right? So, be aware of your mistakes and failures, so you don’t mess up again.
2. Develop A Growth Mindset.
“There are two kinds of people, those with results and those with excuses.”
Belief will wake you up in the morning. It will get you out before everybody else, it will get you to the gym, to work on yourself, to work on your mindset, your marriage, and your business.
The future you want for yourself is somewhere out there waiting for you to just put the hard work to get there, to achieve your definition of success. Belief is needed to get you to that place.
This all comes down to the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is a mindset that says: “I’m not where I want to be, yet, but I KNOW that I can get there.”
A fixed mindset says: “I will not be there, EVER, because I am the way that I am.” “I wasn’t born with the talent/wealth so I can’t get where I want.”
So I have two questions for you:
- What mindset do you have?
- And most importantly, what mindset do you want to have?
3. The 4-Step Process Of Believing In yourself.
As you know by now, the reason that you don’t believe in yourself is the negative thoughts you are having. Your thoughts determine your actions.
So here’s a 4-step method I’ve developed back when I was having serious trouble with my self-doubt and self-esteem.
1. Identify Your Negative thoughts.
This is important. Pay attention to what your thoughts are in a typical day and look out for the most common negative things you say to yourself. Grab a pen and paper and write them down.
- I’m too lazy to achieve my goals
- I’m not attractive. No one wants me.
- I am weak
2. Turn them Into Positive thoughts.
Look at the list of your negative thoughts and figure out the opposite.
- I will achieve my goals because of my hard work
- I’m attractive. Someone will want me.
- I am strong
3. Find proof for your positive thoughts.
You’ve probably spent a big amount of time saying to yourself that you aren’t good enough, so trying to tell the opposite, probably will make things worse.
So, you need proof that you actually ARE good enough. And that’s how the growth mindset and the positive purpose of things take place.
To believe something, you need evidence to back it up.
You did your first workout in months. Even if you lifted little-to-zero weights, you still put your mind into working out and actually did it. That means that you ARE strong.
4. Repeat Your New Thoughts.
This is the most challenging part. Your mind will fight your new thoughts because it got used to all the negative thoughts you were feeding it.
So, whenever you find proof of your positive thoughts, repeat those thoughts to yourself.
This way, you are actually re-wiring your brain to have a more positive outlook.
Realize the power of your beliefs, because your thoughts and your beliefs change your words.
Your words change your actions.
And your actions create the reality/world you want.
This is why self-talk, the things you say to yourself are so important. Whatever you say, and you truly believe, you’ll create.
“In order to succeed, you have to be the first person to believe that you can succeed.”Rob Dial