How to Be the Partner They Love (And Deserve)

Love doesn’t come with a step-by-step guide, and no one hands you a Best Partner Ever trophy just for showing up. It takes effort, self-awareness, and sometimes, biting your tongue when they leave their socks right next to the laundry basket.

Being a great partner isn’t always easy and the best partners aren’t perfect. They’re just intentional about showing up, even on the hard days.

Relationships don’t fall apart overnight, and they don’t thrive overnight either. It’s the little things—tiny habits, daily choices, unspoken moments—that make or break them.

1. Say the Embarrassing Truths Out Loud

You don’t need to be brutally honest—nobody wants to hear that their haircut was a mistake—but you do need to be embarrassingly honest. That means speaking your truth without pride, fear, or ego getting in the way.

Your partner should be your safe space. If something’s bothering you at work, if you’re feeling insecure, if you have doubts or fears, say them. Vulnerability strengthens relationships. The more you share, the deeper your connection grows.

2. Give out Free Passes (Without Keeping Count)

Embrace the invisible get-out-of-jail-free card. We all need it here and there.

Your partner forgot to grab your coffee order? Free pass. They left dishes in the sink after a rough day? Free pass. Not everything needs to be addressed or turned into a lesson.

The best relationships are built on kindness, not scorekeeping. Let the small things slide. Not because they’re undeserved but because your partner deserves your patience, understanding, and love—even when they’re not at their best.

3. Stop Keeping Score—You’re on the Same Team

There’s no winning if someone has to lose. If your relationship feels like a tally system of who does more, who sacrifices more, or who was right last time, you’re setting yourself up for resentment.

Instead, think of your relationship as a team sport. The goal isn’t to even the score—it’s to keep the overall relationship strong. Sometimes, one of you will need extra support. Sometimes, you’ll be the one giving more. The balance shifts over time, and that’s okay.

4. Take a Mirror, Not a Magnifying Glass

When relationships hit rough patches, the instinct is to point out what they could be doing better. But real change starts with looking inward.

Ask yourself: Am I bringing my best self to this relationship? Am I patient? Am I listening? Am I showing up the way I want to be shown up for? The more you focus on improving yourself, the more the relationship as a whole improves.

5. Give Your Partner the Gift of Missing You

Togetherness is great, but space is underrated. As an introvert, I love me-time.

Healthy relationships thrive when both people have time to breathe, think, and be their own person. So, take time for yourself. Encourage your partner to do the same.

Pursue hobbies, see friends, or simply enjoy an afternoon alone. The distance creates anticipation. Missing each other reminds you why you love being together in the first place.

6. Carry the Weight When They Can’t

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Maybe your partner gets stressed making phone calls, but you don’t mind them. Maybe they despise folding laundry, but it’s meditative for you. Pick up the slack where you can.

Not everything has to be fair or split 50/50. If you see your partner struggling, lighten their load. They’ll do the same for you when the time comes.

7. Cheer for Their Goals Like They’re Your Own

A relationship is two individuals growing together. That means celebrating their wins—even if they have nothing to do with you.

Whether it’s a career move, a fitness goal, or something as simple as finally finishing a book, show up and cheer them on. Their happiness should be your happiness, too.

8. Have Regular Tune-Ups (Before Things Break Down)

Most people wait until things feel bad to check in on their relationship—but proactive couples don’t wait for a problem to start a conversation.

Schedule intentional check-ins. Ask, How are we doing? Is there anything I can do better? What’s been making you feel loved lately? Little tune-ups help prevent bigger breakdowns.

9. Check In With Yourself

Before you jump into an argument, ask: Is my frustration about them, or is it about me?

Are you stressed from work? Feeling drained? Overwhelmed?

Sometimes, we misdirect our emotions onto our partner when they’re not actually the root cause. Take a moment to check in with yourself before starting a fight you don’t really mean.

10. Sit In the Mud With Them

When your partner is struggling, resist the urge to fix, solve, or cheer them up immediately. Instead, just be there.

Author Simon Sinek calls this sitting in the mud. If they’re venting about a tough day, they don’t need you to pull them out—they need you to listen. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is, That really sucks. I’m here.

Feel free to ask them what they honestly need. There will be times they want help solving problems and times they just need to feel heard.

11. Put the Phone Down (For Real)

We get it—your phone is addicting. But so is being present with the person you love.

Try this: for meals, date nights, and quality time, put the phone in another room. Not face-down. Not in your lap. Away. Giving someone your full attention is rare these days, which makes it one of the most meaningful gifts you can give.

12. Say Please and Thank You Like You Mean It

Politeness shouldn’t disappear just because you’re comfortable with someone. Please and thank you matter, even after years together.

We say these things to coworkers and strangers—why not the person we love most? A little gratitude goes a long way in making your partner feel appreciated.

Love Is in the Little Things

Being a great partner isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic changes. It’s about consistency. The small things, repeated daily, add up to a relationship built on trust, kindness, and deep connection.

So start small. Pick one thing from this list and try it today. Your partner might not even notice at first. But over time? They’ll feel the difference. And so will you.